


How can I do it without you?

by MiaMiatzo



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Not really Yaoi, Other, Save Winnie the Pooh from the coachs hands, Seriously Yuzuvier friendship makes me soft, Shoma is a tense cupcake, Yuzuru is a squishy mochi, Yuzuvier friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 06:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13781577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaMiatzo/pseuds/MiaMiatzo
Summary: Yuzuru faces the ice below him already breathless, from the outside one could say he’s on the verge of breaking. It’s his first competition after Javier’s retirement, but not having the gorgeous spanish watching him by the bench makes his heart sink and his tears flow down his cheeks as a reminder that he’s alone now.“How the hell am I going to do this without you?”





	How can I do it without you?

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeey
> 
> This is my first work here so I really hope you like it. I love skating and Yuzuru with all my heart and I want him to be very happy :)
> 
> Enjoy :3

“Next contestant: Yuzuru Hanyu”, the announcer's voice blow out through the speakers and loud cheers can be heard from the spectators.

In Yuzuru’s head, however, it all sounds like if he is under water, the crowd screams and his coach gentle voice are just like a wave that passed through him and lost itself in the giant ocean of fear and desperation.

He had already done that many times by now. For God’s sake, he’s a two times Olympics gold medalist. But the feeling that runs through him when the blade touches the ice had never felt so awkward before. He slides towards the center of the rink and positions himself waiting for the music to start.

It’s just as the world had just stopped at this moment. And just like the ground he’s on, he freezes.

Yuzuru faces the ice below him already breathless, from the outside one could say he’s on the verge of breaking. It’s his first competition after Javier’s retirement, but not having the gorgeous spanish watching him by the bench makes his heart sink and his tears flow down his cheeks as a reminder that he’s alone now, though he doesn’t let it aparent for anyone else.

The first months of training without his best friend were hard but not impossible. In their career they were used to see people come and go, an Olympics athlete was rarely older than 25. So Yuzuru just faced it as any other day in his life. Except it wasn’t.

Whenever he did a wrong passage or were proud of some move he nailed and turned his head to make some silly comment to the elder he was gifted with the vision of Shoma warming up besides him or their coach pointing something on his or his colleagues routines.

 _“That’s right”,_ he would think,  _“he’s not here anymore”_ , and move on. And though he thought it was getting easier every day he knew it deep inside of him he was just pushing the deception aside and sometime it would consume him like a parasite that grew silently on his body to smash his heart later on in one shot.

He just wasn’t expecting it would be right there, in the middle of his performance of the Grand Prix.

From the corner of his eyes he could see the elder man squishing the life out his Winnie the Pooh plushie as if that would help him control his nerves, Shoma biting his nails while his legs were shaking as hell and people start whispering around, some of them concerned, some mocking about his rookie behavior. He couldn’t complain, though, he himself feels like a child in this situation.

“ _Breathe_ ”, he repeats in his head many and many times, so many that, at some point, it starts to sound like Javier’s voice. It feels like a placebo, though it’s not real the simple thought of the taller one next to him again calms him down.

Javi’s last words after the performances in their last Olympics still echoes in his mind. The same emotional words that felt like home whenever he thought about that moment again.

_“How can I do it without you?”, Yuzuru asked between hot tears and their clumsy hug._

_“You can do it”, Javi had assured him, stroking his back while the japanese’s face was buried in the crook of his neck._

_“But…”_

_“No ‘buts’”, he interrupted, “You’re the most amazing skater I have ever seen, Yuzu. If someone can do it it’s you”._

_The younger lifted his face, water and mucus streaming down into the spanish’s shirt, but he doesn’t seemed to care._

_“I’ll miss you”, he let it out with a struggled voice, like a whisper lost in the wind, but the other heard him very well, he would always hear him._

_“Me too”, and with that he hugged the smaller again, only turning once to the side to look at Shoma as wrecked as Hanyu and beg “Please, take care of him for me”._

His love, his caring, was something that no matter where he were right now or with who he were, were not going to be erased easily. Yuzuru found strength on that words again, knowing that, somewhere, Javier would definitely be watching them, cheering for them, praying for them.

He needed, at least, to make him proud of the man he became.

The japanese skater inhaled again until his lungs couldn’t comport more air and let it out, starting to hear things clearly again. A single tear escaped the corner of his eye at last but he didn’t care, until the end of the performance a lot more would join this one, even more when he showed Javi his new gold medal.

The music finally reached his ears as he awaited for his cue.

And then he gave the first step.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading, seriously it means a lot to me. I really hope you liked and come back to my profile when I post more things :3
> 
> My Twitter is @miamiatzo, but I'm a brazilian so my posts switches between portuguese and english kekeke 
> 
> Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes >.<
> 
> Thank you again  
> Bye bye :3


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